Dear Santa,

Tell my mom she should go home now. 5 weeks after my surgery...I need my life back.

Wait a minute, Santa...Nevermind. I mean, the lady is doing all of our laundry for pete's sake. She can stay. For a little longer. Not too much longer! My son is bleeding her bank account dry, you know. She's a sucker for buying him stuff.

So please, Santa, let my mom go home so she doesn't go broke taking care of us. There we go. That sounds much nicer.

Love,
Mama Bear.

Crackin Dem Nuts

I'm having surgery on Tuesday.

I've been wanting this FOREVER already, and I'm actually not scared. Although once I say I'm not scared, I get a little queasy. But you know what's gonna be queasy? My drainage bags that I'm prolly gonna have. Cue the "ewws" please.

This surgery also means my mom is coming in town, which I'm crazy grateful for since that means she has to leave her job for 3 weeks. But then I'm sure she's selfishly thinking she's getting cuddle time with my kiddo. lol

Hopefully, this surgery will mean I'll start blogging again. I spend so much more time all over the Internet, why can't I just blog? Because I'm embarrassed by my ramblings of course.

BTW, XMAS is a comin' and I'm frigging out because something always keeps happening to the house. Like my DRYER!!! It's not drying, so that means I need to get the ducts cleaned which means at least $100, oh shoot me in the foot. Why oh why must this happen right during Xmas and the Bear's birthday? At least my son has no expectations of presents and my family is use to me not affording presents.

It's this time of year that I feel particularly useless by not working. I should make some babysitting money. But I'd rather watch reality TV and crack open nuts. Like literally crack open nuts. I love this time of year when you can buy a bag of assorted nuts and I can spend an hour cracking a small bunch open. It keeps me busy and my mind is dead. Luv it.

My Green Monster

I can't believe the amount of poop this caterpillar can create. I seriously thought it was bird poop for weeks. Then this huge sucker appears and I think I'm gonna be so nice and let it cocoon and turn into a beautiful butterfly. Then my tomato plants start dying. WTF? I keep wondering what kind of caterpillar it is so I finally "bing" it and find out it's a total parasite. It's responsible for completely defoliating my tomato plant. I could barely sleep all night thinking of that monster hanging there full of the nutrients of my tomatoes in it's ugly green tummy. My poor plants have been trying to produce tomatoes and they've just stalled their growth!

So this morning I got ready, plucked that sucker off the stem and threw it on the neighbors yard. Then I began the illustrious task of finding more caterpillars. Bah! I found another tobacco hornworm, but it was much smaller. Then I found the tiniest one! And there was friggin poop everywhere! I had no idea they pooped so much! This makes me so angry, but I suppose it is the end of the season. I felt better walking around the block this morning and seeing my neighbor's tomato plants dying too. I suppose we all must be succumbing to the tobacco hornworm.

I think I'm just really infuriated and embarrassed that a fat ass caterpillar that's gonna turn into a big brown moth tricked me for so long. Pff. Jerk.

The Horror

Sometimes I get nervous around the time that my husband come home. What of he figures out I didn't do crap today? I solve that by putting frozen meat on the counter to defrost and slanging on an apron. Ta-da!!! Housewife costume is complete!

My MIL thinks Series 1

My MIL thinks I had the swine flu while I was in Memphis. Apparently a bunch of the kids in the neighborhood are sick. So I must have gotten them sick? Yeah...I don't think so, Lady. If you understood how much I dislike Memphis, you'd totally know that I didn't leave that house unless necessary. To pick up my niece from school and go the the grocery store twice...AND I never went near the neighbor's kids. Pff. I'm a total snob and don't even mutter hello. I don't wave or nothing. BECAUSE I don't live there!!! Why should I waste my energy when I'm trying to charm the shit out of Nashville so I might grow to appreciate this city. (MAJOR FAIL BTW)

And the flu just sucks. I mean, my virus sucked, but the flu...It really really sucks. Isn't it characterized with diarrhea and vomit? Don't check those boxes for my symptoms, thank you very much. I'm still battling this cough. I'm like in the umpteenth round of this face off, and I it's a total draw.

It's funny how I feel so insulted that someone thinks I had the swine flu. It must be the "pig" association. lol

Marital Bliss

Sometimes it feels like heaven when you and your spouse are on the same page. Then you're like *sigh*..."We're meant for eachother." But why don't we feel like this when we play video games? Wii's frisbee golf could be the end of us!!!

Major points of discussion since August 17th

• Sept 7th and I'm still sick. My time in Memphis was ruined by a nagging virus and dog allergies. now I have that dreadful cough that likes to pack a punch at about 9pm. Codeine is for babies at this point.
  
  
• The Memphis Babysitting Adventure went smooth! It was the longest my niece had been without her grandma and grandpa, so she would get a little homesick for them. But her love for a new school year definitely helped. Isn't it amazing how kids do homework on computers now? And things are so organized in binders! I mean, we would have to scribble our assignments somewhere and you just wrote stuff all the time.

• The Hubster was told he had to take vacation, so once my babysitting duties were over, we left the Bear in Memphis with the grandparents and took off to New Orleans!!! Whoopeee!!! We had the best B&B at the Green House on Magazine st. Loved their rooms. Was totally about to steal the mattress, because it was D-I-V-I-N-E!!! And their pool/back porch was so cute and decorated with tropical plants. They were perfect for an adult getaway. It saddens me that I couldn't take the Bear there, but children in a beautiful home can be C-R-A-Z-Y.

• The Bear started preschool!!! It was half days last week, and he starts full days this week. Fantastic! I can finally get my hair cut and a new drivers license. I'll be sad to see my TX drivers license go. My hair looks fab, bitch.

• Hubs started his ER stuff this month. He's on a totally opposite schedule. Like tonight is 9pm to 7am. It's thrown us off too. I somehow lost a day this week. We'll get over it soon.

• Oh, and have we made friends yet...That would be a no. Not so much. *sigh* It's really difficult figuring out what to do with our time. All of our errands get done so quickly since we don't have socializing to fill in the rest of our time. I'm hoping with school starting and the beginning of a Wednesday playgroup, we can really meet some people. That we like. That like us back. Yeah.
  

Hawt like Whoa

I'm in Memphis for the week until my in-laws get back in town. AND I have a fever...AGAIN! I thought I was having random allergies to the 3 dogs in this house. So not use to animals. But I was so achy and cold last night. I figured it was because of the Bear sleeping with me again. He can be such a restless sleeper. Kicking me in the gut, then all of a sudden a friggin roundhouse to the jaw! Yikes! Please oh please grow out of this soon!!!

Anyways, I was achy and cold. But I didn't feel sick, just tired. I woke up this morning to take my niece to school and decided to take my temperature. I ALWAYS bring my thermometer when I travel. I love love love my thermometer, the one that goes in the ear super quick. I don't know how many people have offered me the regular ones and they suck for infants or toddlers. Hello, I can barely keep those things in my mouth for the time allotted. So I took my temp and...YOWZERS! 102.5!!! Like whoa, y'all.

Didn't I get over this last week? I've been popping Tylenol all day and it keeps the yuckies at bay. I like to tough out my sickness. I'm not a quitter. I must be in incredible pain if you see me laying on the couch moaning that I'm sick.

So hopefully I'll feel better soon. I hope the fever doesn't last for 4 days again. That would suck big time.

Eat here, not there

From now on the kid can only eat on Daddy's chair. It's the leather chair in the house and thus the easiest to clean. I had to wash my new couch's covers fr the first time today because of a Benadryl cream mishap. I KNEW he was hiding something when he looked like he wiped something on the couch. But I shrugged and didn't look until later. Horror! Only because this is a new couch. I selected the material and waited 5 weeks for this motherfudger. However, let's remind ourselves that we purposely chose this material because we knew the Bear wouldn't care about my feelings. We knew he'd wipe all sorts of organic/inorganic/unorganic/misorganic things on my property. Isn't it interesting how although I am a grown up, I still can't have grown up things because I have a kid? *sigh*

Compooper

I finally got better! I was carrying a fever around for 4 days! Four days! And the slightest amount of anxiety would make it worse. Husband at home plus 2 yr old equals high amounts of anxiety. I finally started feeling better for tax-free weekend. But when I realized I'd have to shell out at least $800 for a compooper...Yeah, I chomped on some more Tylenol. whew.

poop goes the old compooper.

poop goes my bank account squeezing out any bit of money we use to have.

poop.

And as much as I wanted to participate in tax-free weekend, it was hellish out there! I mean, the sales weren't even that good! And people were swarming the stores and they were in the worst moods ever. Back-to-school shopping use to be fun. I loved having new things to take to school. I went to a private school, but new school supplies were awesome. Shiny notebooks, crisp sheets of paper...sigh.

BTW, I found something awesome at the store. I can't wait to use this for plane rides. It's like painting but without the hassle! Water-free watercolors! You just moisten the tips of the brushes and then wipe off the paint on a pad when you want a new color. So friggin cool.

Sick/Bounce

Mommy is sick. It's been 3 days now of feeling like I'm on the brink of getting super sick. But instead, I'm just feverish, lethargic, and achy. My husband feels good today. The Bear didn't get sick at all (cross fingers).

Being sick is the dumps. We missed our first play date this morning too. I was gonna tough it out, but then I realized I could barely complete a thought much less a sentence.

It could be worse.

I just hope we're okay for this weekend. There's a family event for residents of hubby's work. It's at an inflatable bounce place...whatever you call them. These things are usually $7 for one kid, so we get in for free AND free pizza. Hell, yeah! I RSVPed asap. Problem is my kid looooves pizza, but is scared of bounce houses. He gets super excited and just when you're about to put him in, he wraps his legs around you in a death grip. So he has the greatest time jumping right next to the bounce house. That's fine by me as long as he's smiling! You're only as happy as your happiest child, right?

Sick House

It seems like we had a 24hr bug in the house. Mine started with a sinus headache in the evening and J-cakes' started at work the next day around lunch time. Well, it seems like mine was 24hrs. His could last for an entire week just to spite me. Thankfully, the Bear hasn't gotten sick. He was a trooper all day while we moaned into pillows and turned the thermostat to 80 degrees.

And after just one day of feeling like crap, I must clean the house. I'm so unproductive while sick, that I feel like I must make up for my lapse in cleanliness. Plus we have to wash all the yucky pillow cases and bed sheets.

I do hope the husband feels better. Caring for a sick adult man is worse than a sick baby. At least the babies want to cuddle. The man just whines, sniffles, cries and wants you to fetch him things from the kitchen, refuses any medicine you offer, and cries some more. Grow up. You've been getting sick for nearly 30 years. You should know you're going to survive!

Sucker for Sleep

Oh, how cute, right? Oh, he looks like an angel...*sigh*



This kid, I swear. I could boast for so long about how his sleep habits are so great. He doesn't nap, but he goes to bed without a fight. We have a routine of pj's, book, music, and then "night-night."

But we've totally hit a wall. The Bear has been in hysterics this week, which is totally not the week to give me hard time. I've been so full of , I don't know if it's anxiety or what, but it's BS either way. So my sleep has been completely backwards. I've been functioning on maybe a couple of hours of sleep a night and Mama is gonna lose her friggin mind at any moment. Whew.

The Bear has his moments like any kid at night where he wakes up and might need a pat on the back to lie back down again. I have no problem with this. But we've had 3 nights of pure battle. He wakes up at random hours like he's being beaten by his little stuffed animals. As I'm trying to soothe him or ask him what is wrong between is warbled gasps for air, he just gives me mixed signals.


Scratches the back of his neck..."Oh, is your tag on your shirt bothering you?"


"Garrrhhhh"


Wipes his forehead..."Are you too hot?"


"Bahhhhh"


Scratches his legs..."Do you have itchies (mosquito bites)?"


"Arghhhh"


*Sniffle, sniffle*..."Do you need a hug?"


"Waaahhhhhh"


This goes on forever, or at least 5-20 minutes. It's all a fog since I'm half awake. He might stop crying, sniffle, stand up, hug me, and then...try to fall asleep on my arm.? Oh, hell no. I'm not going to stand by your crib and let you sleep on me. I do not possess this same talent, so no way will I stay up as your pillow.

And yes, my son still sleeps in a crib. We haven't had any problems and we figured we'd wait for the appropriate clues to get a big boy bed. Which brings me to the second night of hell...The Bear has trouble communicating in his fits of anger, so during one of said fits while I was asking what the eff is going on with you (but in a mommy-like coo) he started beating up the bars of the crib. He was hitting them and yelling at them like a bear (lol). So now I'm wondering if he's just done with the crib and might be knocking into the bars.

By about the third time he wakes up, I'm so exhausted from my continuous lack of sleep. I just take him to the guest bedroom and we both completely knock out, until he wakes up and asks for pancakes. He tried to take me into the bedroom last night for "night-night" but I put my foot down that he needed to sleep in his crib. I don't have a rail for the guest bed and I really don't want to go to bed at 9pm to make sure he doesn't fall off the side.

I'm such a sucker for the toddler bed. They're so adorable and so perfect for a transition to a big boy bed. I'm sure they're really just a transition for moms. I've been wanting to get him a toddler bed, but maybe he's just really needing the space. Maybe he'd be better off with a twin bed. Ugh. His language barrier is really not helping right now. So in the meantime, I'm sleeping in the spare bedroom and trying to soothe him during his fits. If they get so out of control that I can't do anything else to help, I just let him cry it out. He's exhausted and he's lying in a perfectly good bed. Ta-dah! Just take it, kid. At least until your dad and I can make a well rested decision. Argh!!!

Some favorite sites of Des Moines

On the train at Blank Park Zoo.

Hessen Haus: Home of Das Boot and plenty of pleasant/fuzzy memories


The State Capitol was so gorgeous and always free to tour.

I had an awesome view from my window in the maternity wing.

The Heritage Carousel is a hand painted, hidden gem at a local park.

This is where I developed my distaste towards carousels. lol


The Simon Estes Riverfront Amphitheater is awesome! It's a multifunctional site for weddings, concerts, plays, etc... It has a great background of the Des Moines River.

My son was such a wuss with bodies of water, but loved spray parks. The one in Ankeny, IA was so much fun for for like $2.

Principal Park is home to the Iowa Cubs, a minor league baseball team. My local mom's group was invited for a photo shoot, so were able to let the kids run wild on the cushiest grass I've ever experienced. Of course, the hubby tagged along for the fun.

How much do we looove Raccoon River Park in West Des Moines, IA!!! It has a huge playground, spray park, dog park, walking trail and lake! The Bear loved this park the best. It was definitely a place we always wandered back to when we didn't know what to do with our day.

Saturday

J-cakes finally had a Saturday off so I decided it was time we headed to Nashville's zoo. We still have a current pass to Des Moines' zoo and it gets us into the Nashville zoo for free. Score! Besides, it was "Ice Day" which meant free ice cream, bounce houses, music and other things.

Ugh, we left at 10am and it was pretty humid. Definitely a shorts day even though my legs are albino white. (They never ever tan. Only the top half of my body tans.) Of course it was our duty as doting parents to lead our son the free ice cream.

After eating a little scoop, the Bear spotted the carousel. I gladly refused this ride. We once did a local photo shoot on a carousel and it was hell going round and round. J-cakes totally took over this one for me as I made the Bear request his dad. lol

By this time we had been to the zoo for nearly an hour and seen zero animals! So we began our trek and gawd was it crowded. I'm so use to doing things like this during the week, that I forget what it's like to face regular crowds. Like, oh yeah, everyone else has been working all week and they want to go out on Saturday too.

I'm not sure what I think of this zoo.It's on such a large plot of land. You did sooo much walking to get to a couple of animals. It was really nice and well kept, but the walking was hard. Nashville is very hilly, so we were constantly going uphill. Poor little Bear was trudging as hard as he could.We brought his little stroller, but he just had to be independent and walk,you know? He was definitely rewarded with sights of butt scratching monkeys, elephants and giraffes. This tickles the hell out of him since he calls all the animals by the names from Madagascar. Zebras are Martys and giraffes are Melmans.

The one part of the zoo J-cakes and I can't agree on is the bug/snake area. J-cakes is a wuss about the creepy crawlies. I'm a wuss too in real life, but I totally love the creepy crawly buildings at zoos. Where else can you see these things up close and personal? And the Bear was pumped about snakes! He always tries to scare me with a rubber snake, or he'll shriek when we're sharing a blanket,"Ah! A snake!" Friggin precious. He loooved the snakes and they had huge tanks of fish for him to bang on the glass saying "Hewo!" Nice.

Finally, the Bear was just completely wiped. We were wiped. It was butt sweat hot by this time and we called it a day. We totally missed a bunch more "Ice Day" stuff, but whatever.

Consignment Rot

Boo to the consignment sale today! Their advertising is just so influential on my state of mind. I get so geared up to snatch stuff in a hurry and push families aside for deals.

But these things...These things suuuucked. People tagged their items "Gap", "Talbots", "Guess",etc... Yeah, priced at $7 or more and the kids clothes were to pieces. Ripped cuffs and faded out. I'd pay less at a Goodwill for this stuff. I could go to a nicer consignment store and pay the same price for nice things. A lot of the shoes were so old the plastic on the bottom was yellow. I'm such a priss, but not really.

But you know what? People were buying shit up like nobody's business. Women were sliding laundry hampers at their feet filled with items filled to the brim. I felt ill and left. The hunger for undervalued items on sales makes me feel gross. Priss.

Although J-cakes is now making money, I'm trying to be conservative with our spending. I figured the Bear's clothes and toys would prolly be a good place to start saving. We save with groceries and we don't go out really. Mostly because we're still adjusting to Nashville and we don't have friends...haha. "Don't make friends, and you'll save tons of cash!" We're a success story!

We'll attempt another consignment sale next weekend. I'm determined to get him some clothes. I like the idea of used clothing since kids outgrow things so quickly. But the prices totally have to be reasonable. Don't expect me to buy torn up, stained sweatpants for $8. Get over it!

Grandparental peril

Just got off the phone with my mom. It was so sad to hear the panic. I think she and my step dad have really allowed the economic meltdown into their personal life. They both filed for retirement last year; she because her job got phased out and he was so eager to be done with the school system. So they've spent the last year getting by and struggling with a budget. It's not like they lived lavishly, but it's been difficult. He's now going back to work and she's still searching out a permanent job. I think my mom is the most stressed out since she does all the bills.

But she's called me and it seems like they've gotten to a wall of complete miscommunication. And now she says she has to prepare herself for the worst, insinuating my step dad might leave her because his behavior has changed and he made some separate bank account.

As much as I want to jump on board and defend her, I think she's been festering in paranoia for the last few months. You know how you get so stressed out, everything seems to be out to get you? Yup.

So I laid out the cliche advice of them needing to talk. Seriously, just talk. And don't half ass your talk, like really really talk. Don't leave any room for assumptions. Tell the brutal truth and embrace the tongue lashing. J-cakes and I lay it all out there and the relationship thrives. How could I possibly be a partner in a relationship if I don't speak. Of course there are times when we totally clam up and we go to bed angry, but we talk in the end. Your spouse should be your best friend.

So I feel bad for my mom. She thanked me for the advice, but c'mon...Is she really gonna do it? Who knows? Since when do older women take your advice on relationships? puhleeze.

Undie Time

Phone rang. I immediately thought,"I hope it's not the neighbors telling us to put our pants on."

Seriously, I love walking around in underwear. I don't mean bra and panties, just pantless. I could wear a huge wool sweater on top, but I love to just wear underwear below the belt. I always walked around like that when I was younger and living by myself. Then I got pregnant, and moved into a condo. Pretty sure our neighbors didn't want to see a pantless preggo walking around on the first floor condo. So I've been grudgingly wearing pants for about 3 years now.

We've moved to Nashville, and the pants came off once we stepped into our new home! Woohoo! Did I mention I keep the windows open? I figure if I can't see into my neighbor's windows because of the sun's glare, then mine must look the same way. Off with the pants!

So my son and I walk around pantless as much as possible. Not sure what age becomes inappropriate for him to see his mommy in undies, but who give a fudge right now. I have some much needed undie time to make up.