Dear Santa,

Tell my mom she should go home now. 5 weeks after my surgery...I need my life back.

Wait a minute, Santa...Nevermind. I mean, the lady is doing all of our laundry for pete's sake. She can stay. For a little longer. Not too much longer! My son is bleeding her bank account dry, you know. She's a sucker for buying him stuff.

So please, Santa, let my mom go home so she doesn't go broke taking care of us. There we go. That sounds much nicer.

Love,
Mama Bear.

Crackin Dem Nuts

I'm having surgery on Tuesday.

I've been wanting this FOREVER already, and I'm actually not scared. Although once I say I'm not scared, I get a little queasy. But you know what's gonna be queasy? My drainage bags that I'm prolly gonna have. Cue the "ewws" please.

This surgery also means my mom is coming in town, which I'm crazy grateful for since that means she has to leave her job for 3 weeks. But then I'm sure she's selfishly thinking she's getting cuddle time with my kiddo. lol

Hopefully, this surgery will mean I'll start blogging again. I spend so much more time all over the Internet, why can't I just blog? Because I'm embarrassed by my ramblings of course.

BTW, XMAS is a comin' and I'm frigging out because something always keeps happening to the house. Like my DRYER!!! It's not drying, so that means I need to get the ducts cleaned which means at least $100, oh shoot me in the foot. Why oh why must this happen right during Xmas and the Bear's birthday? At least my son has no expectations of presents and my family is use to me not affording presents.

It's this time of year that I feel particularly useless by not working. I should make some babysitting money. But I'd rather watch reality TV and crack open nuts. Like literally crack open nuts. I love this time of year when you can buy a bag of assorted nuts and I can spend an hour cracking a small bunch open. It keeps me busy and my mind is dead. Luv it.

My Green Monster

I can't believe the amount of poop this caterpillar can create. I seriously thought it was bird poop for weeks. Then this huge sucker appears and I think I'm gonna be so nice and let it cocoon and turn into a beautiful butterfly. Then my tomato plants start dying. WTF? I keep wondering what kind of caterpillar it is so I finally "bing" it and find out it's a total parasite. It's responsible for completely defoliating my tomato plant. I could barely sleep all night thinking of that monster hanging there full of the nutrients of my tomatoes in it's ugly green tummy. My poor plants have been trying to produce tomatoes and they've just stalled their growth!

So this morning I got ready, plucked that sucker off the stem and threw it on the neighbors yard. Then I began the illustrious task of finding more caterpillars. Bah! I found another tobacco hornworm, but it was much smaller. Then I found the tiniest one! And there was friggin poop everywhere! I had no idea they pooped so much! This makes me so angry, but I suppose it is the end of the season. I felt better walking around the block this morning and seeing my neighbor's tomato plants dying too. I suppose we all must be succumbing to the tobacco hornworm.

I think I'm just really infuriated and embarrassed that a fat ass caterpillar that's gonna turn into a big brown moth tricked me for so long. Pff. Jerk.

The Horror

Sometimes I get nervous around the time that my husband come home. What of he figures out I didn't do crap today? I solve that by putting frozen meat on the counter to defrost and slanging on an apron. Ta-da!!! Housewife costume is complete!

My MIL thinks Series 1

My MIL thinks I had the swine flu while I was in Memphis. Apparently a bunch of the kids in the neighborhood are sick. So I must have gotten them sick? Yeah...I don't think so, Lady. If you understood how much I dislike Memphis, you'd totally know that I didn't leave that house unless necessary. To pick up my niece from school and go the the grocery store twice...AND I never went near the neighbor's kids. Pff. I'm a total snob and don't even mutter hello. I don't wave or nothing. BECAUSE I don't live there!!! Why should I waste my energy when I'm trying to charm the shit out of Nashville so I might grow to appreciate this city. (MAJOR FAIL BTW)

And the flu just sucks. I mean, my virus sucked, but the flu...It really really sucks. Isn't it characterized with diarrhea and vomit? Don't check those boxes for my symptoms, thank you very much. I'm still battling this cough. I'm like in the umpteenth round of this face off, and I it's a total draw.

It's funny how I feel so insulted that someone thinks I had the swine flu. It must be the "pig" association. lol

Marital Bliss

Sometimes it feels like heaven when you and your spouse are on the same page. Then you're like *sigh*..."We're meant for eachother." But why don't we feel like this when we play video games? Wii's frisbee golf could be the end of us!!!

Major points of discussion since August 17th

• Sept 7th and I'm still sick. My time in Memphis was ruined by a nagging virus and dog allergies. now I have that dreadful cough that likes to pack a punch at about 9pm. Codeine is for babies at this point.
  
  
• The Memphis Babysitting Adventure went smooth! It was the longest my niece had been without her grandma and grandpa, so she would get a little homesick for them. But her love for a new school year definitely helped. Isn't it amazing how kids do homework on computers now? And things are so organized in binders! I mean, we would have to scribble our assignments somewhere and you just wrote stuff all the time.

• The Hubster was told he had to take vacation, so once my babysitting duties were over, we left the Bear in Memphis with the grandparents and took off to New Orleans!!! Whoopeee!!! We had the best B&B at the Green House on Magazine st. Loved their rooms. Was totally about to steal the mattress, because it was D-I-V-I-N-E!!! And their pool/back porch was so cute and decorated with tropical plants. They were perfect for an adult getaway. It saddens me that I couldn't take the Bear there, but children in a beautiful home can be C-R-A-Z-Y.

• The Bear started preschool!!! It was half days last week, and he starts full days this week. Fantastic! I can finally get my hair cut and a new drivers license. I'll be sad to see my TX drivers license go. My hair looks fab, bitch.

• Hubs started his ER stuff this month. He's on a totally opposite schedule. Like tonight is 9pm to 7am. It's thrown us off too. I somehow lost a day this week. We'll get over it soon.

• Oh, and have we made friends yet...That would be a no. Not so much. *sigh* It's really difficult figuring out what to do with our time. All of our errands get done so quickly since we don't have socializing to fill in the rest of our time. I'm hoping with school starting and the beginning of a Wednesday playgroup, we can really meet some people. That we like. That like us back. Yeah.